Lean Into a “Yes Day”

Photo by S&B Vonlanthen on Unsplash

Now that school has begun and we are getting back into our hectic schedules amidst an ongoing pandemic, your child is going to experience a lot of emotions. Change, a disruption in routine, new responsibilities, and distractions from family time will impact your child’s behavior. As a parent, you may be feeling frustrated with all of these changes as well. I encourage you to take a moment to lean into the “Yes Day” approach to reconnect with your child and allow them to have the best day ever. How do you make this happen? Well, let's get started:

1. Choose a day where you are free of outside obligations (or at least as many as you can put aside). Make this a priority and stick by it, your child deserves the same amount of respect you would give anyone else. Making plans with them and sticking to it models accountability and increases their self-confidence. Once you have agreed upon the date, it's time to plan.
2. Let your child know the parameters of this agreement. These will vary based on your child’s age and abilities. Have them write out a plan or discuss a plan with you while you record the day’s events. Resist the urge to interrupt or respond negatively. This shows your child that you are willing to look at the world through their eyes, that you value their interests, and that you are willing to partake in their favorite activities.
3. What if my child wants to watch TV all day or wants to use the phone/tablet for the whole day? This is a part of planning and setting up the parameters. This is where I see most of my success as an educator. By providing or creating an environment that is designed to help us achieve our goals, I can limit behavior issues and unwanted actions. Communicate to your child that a “Yes Day” needs to include X amount of activities; by encouraging your child to think of more than one activity (like an hour on the tablet) you are helping them to rediscover their other interests. Let them know a change in their environment is an option (going to swim, going to a park, getting ice cream, etc.).
4. Get through the “have-to’s” before the “want-to’s”. This is something I say in my class, there are things we have to do before we can do the things we want to do (we have to stop and use the restroom, we have to have a rest, we have to eat or drink something). You know your child best, and you may skip this step entirely if you feel comfortable allowing your child to skip a nap, not do chores, eat junk food all day, etc. Trust that your child will learn from this experience and by allowing them to be in control you will see their leadership qualities shine.
5. Best day ever! By allowing your child to design their “best day ever” you are gaining insight into their development. Your child may feel more comfortable sharing new interests, communicating how their interests have changed, or interest in trying a new activity. You will gain insight into their strengths. Watch them as they plan the day, manage the time, delegate daily activities, prepare materials, and take on responsibilities. Your child may want to plan meals or choose where they eat for the day; you can turn these choices into teachable moments. Preparing food, cutting, mixing, stirring, or pouring ingredients, and budgeting meals for the day are ways you can help your child learn valuable lessons on a “Yes Day.”
6. Reflect. When the day is done take the time to reflect and discuss what went well and what challenges presented themselves throughout the day. By providing your child with the trust and responsibility to plan his or her day, you are helping them to build problem-solving skills. How do they manage emotions and reactions when something doesn’t go their way, what if a business or local spot is closed? What if they ran out of time to complete an activity they were looking forward to? This builds time management skills.

As you lean into a “Yes Day” you will begin to see the benefits of unyielded imagination, creativity, adaptability, and responsibility in children. Then you will also begin to see how your child puts into action the lessons they’ve learned at home and school. They model what they know, and more often they will pleasantly surprise you when given the opportunity. It's like that old game “Trust” where you fall backward with your eyes closed, trust that your child is on the other side standing strong with the lessons you have already instilled in them.